Comments on: Sexing Up Abstinence http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/ Sociological Images encourages people to exercise and develop their sociological imaginations with discussions of compelling visuals that span the breadth of sociological inquiry. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:09:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: mallii http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-115269 mallii Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:05:47 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-115269 I want to start by saying that I am a pro-choice/choosing, pansexual genderqueer. I live in a progressive city, in a progressive state, in a progressive country, and even among MY family and friends, I am the radical left-winger. I think abstinence-only sex education is the single biggest mistake politicians and educators have made with regards to informing the next generation. BUT. I love these shirts. I would buy one, and buy them for my friends, and wear it a lot. And here's why: 1. Contrary to the author's statement, "you" does not necessarily imply a guy. In fact, I think "you" is a good, broad term to use. The slogan COULD have read, "...to keep him waiting." but instead, it tackles the wearer's partner, whatever their gender. I don't know if this was the intent of the company, but if I wore this shirt in the presence of people who do not know of this campaign, the impact would be gender-neutral. 2. "Be sexy, it doesn't mean you have to have sex." This is BRILLIANT. It's not explicitly telling girls to go out looking like whores, as apparently some people who have commented seem to think. It does NOT explicitly say that it's okay for women to be objectified, as long as there's no sex. Instead, it gives a positive message that the wearer should feel good about him/herself, should feel like a confident and attractive individual, and know that having sex is not necessary in that confidence. I'm taking the slogan to mean, "You don't have to have sex to be an attractive, appealing, confident, and LOVED person." And furthermore, on that note... 3. A lot of girls out there feel like they HAVE to have sex to be appealing, to be WANTED by their partner[s]. A lot of girls are pressured into having sex earlier than they would like, often by their partner[s], and by their peers. Again, I do NOT endorse abstinence-only sex education. I think it's a dangerously stupid route to take in educating young people who are bound to be curious about sex. But dammit, I love that these shirts promote the idea that sex is not necessary in a relationship, and I love how it empowers young women to know they have a CHOICE in whether or not they engage. Goodness knows, young women are pressured into sex by every single aspect of the media they view on a daily basis, along with the aforementioned partner[s] and peers; it's about time someone put it on a f*cking T-SHIRT that women DO have a choice about whether or not they want to have sex. And it IS a personal choice, and I think that fact is being overlooked by so many external pressures. I want to start by saying that I am a pro-choice/choosing, pansexual genderqueer. I live in a progressive city, in a progressive state, in a progressive country, and even among MY family and friends, I am the radical left-winger. I think abstinence-only sex education is the single biggest mistake politicians and educators have made with regards to informing the next generation.

BUT.

I love these shirts. I would buy one, and buy them for my friends, and wear it a lot. And here’s why:

1. Contrary to the author’s statement, “you” does not necessarily imply a guy. In fact, I think “you” is a good, broad term to use. The slogan COULD have read, “…to keep him waiting.” but instead, it tackles the wearer’s partner, whatever their gender. I don’t know if this was the intent of the company, but if I wore this shirt in the presence of people who do not know of this campaign, the impact would be gender-neutral.

2. “Be sexy, it doesn’t mean you have to have sex.” This is BRILLIANT. It’s not explicitly telling girls to go out looking like whores, as apparently some people who have commented seem to think. It does NOT explicitly say that it’s okay for women to be objectified, as long as there’s no sex. Instead, it gives a positive message that the wearer should feel good about him/herself, should feel like a confident and attractive individual, and know that having sex is not necessary in that confidence. I’m taking the slogan to mean, “You don’t have to have sex to be an attractive, appealing, confident, and LOVED person.” And furthermore, on that note…

3. A lot of girls out there feel like they HAVE to have sex to be appealing, to be WANTED by their partner[s]. A lot of girls are pressured into having sex earlier than they would like, often by their partner[s], and by their peers. Again, I do NOT endorse abstinence-only sex education. I think it’s a dangerously stupid route to take in educating young people who are bound to be curious about sex. But dammit, I love that these shirts promote the idea that sex is not necessary in a relationship, and I love how it empowers young women to know they have a CHOICE in whether or not they engage. Goodness knows, young women are pressured into sex by every single aspect of the media they view on a daily basis, along with the aforementioned partner[s] and peers; it’s about time someone put it on a f*cking T-SHIRT that women DO have a choice about whether or not they want to have sex. And it IS a personal choice, and I think that fact is being overlooked by so many external pressures.

]]> By: Toxicwaste87 http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-109079 Toxicwaste87 Mon, 07 Sep 2009 06:23:06 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-109079 When I was 14, 8 years ago, my grandma bought me a black low-cut tank top that said "BE SEXY: It doesn't mean you have to have sex" - and although I know her intentions were pure, I find it now very inappropriate. I felt so sexy in that tank top and I got so many stares from older men (I was pretty cute and little back then) so I can see how this can be negative. Also, a little off topic, but from an early age (10+), I would often suck on lollipops seductively because I felt that was how it was supposed to be done because I had seen it on television and the like. I didn't understand until I was older what that implied. I waited til I was 17 to have sex and I still feel that I was too young. He was 18 and it was his first time too and he dumped me a month later :/ I was so upset when I found out my 14-year-old sister lost her virginity to her boyfriend (who was EIGHTEEN at the time) - but at least she stayed with him for 3 years. I guess that counts for something, although it's still unsettling. (She's 18 now) When I was 14, 8 years ago, my grandma bought me a black low-cut tank top that said “BE SEXY: It doesn’t mean you have to have sex” – and although I know her intentions were pure, I find it now very inappropriate. I felt so sexy in that tank top and I got so many stares from older men (I was pretty cute and little back then) so I can see how this can be negative. Also, a little off topic, but from an early age (10+), I would often suck on lollipops seductively because I felt that was how it was supposed to be done because I had seen it on television and the like. I didn’t understand until I was older what that implied.

I waited til I was 17 to have sex and I still feel that I was too young. He was 18 and it was his first time too and he dumped me a month later :/ I was so upset when I found out my 14-year-old sister lost her virginity to her boyfriend (who was EIGHTEEN at the time) – but at least she stayed with him for 3 years. I guess that counts for something, although it’s still unsettling. (She’s 18 now)

]]> By: Sam http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-100065 Sam Sat, 15 Aug 2009 08:18:01 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-100065 I just went on that website and viewed the "tips for teens section" http://www.candiesfoundation.org/teens.html in which they have a list of facts, one of them being "50: The percentage of Latina teens who get pregnant at least once before turning 20." None of the other facts mention race or identifiers other than male/female. I find this really upsetting and racist. I just went on that website and viewed the “tips for teens section” http://www.candiesfoundation.org/teens.html in which they have a list of facts, one of them being “50: The percentage of Latina teens who get pregnant at least once before turning 20.” None of the other facts mention race or identifiers other than male/female. I find this really upsetting and racist.

]]> By: Hobrock http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98939 Hobrock Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:11:12 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98939 I love the use of imperative voice. Be sexy, kids! Unless you are not thin and conventionally pretty, in the case of which either no one gives a crap either way about your sex life, or you just don't exist. Apparently, either girls don't actually have sexual urges, and if they do these can easily be channeled into 'being' sexy for the male gaze. I love the use of imperative voice. Be sexy, kids! Unless you are not thin and conventionally pretty, in the case of which either no one gives a crap either way about your sex life, or you just don’t exist.
Apparently, either girls don’t actually have sexual urges, and if they do these can easily be channeled into ‘being’ sexy for the male gaze.

]]> By: Heidi Anderson http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98807 Heidi Anderson Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:30:22 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98807 Just in case anyone is interested, I also wrote about this on my blog in March. I HATE this idea of an abstinence campaign, but to be fair, I hate abstinence campaigns in general. http://thefatoneinthemiddle.typepad.com/the_fat_one_in_the_middle/2009/03/while-abstinence-pledges-lead-to-anal-sex-anal-sex-ironically-prevents-pregnancy.html Just in case anyone is interested, I also wrote about this on my blog in March. I HATE this idea of an abstinence campaign, but to be fair, I hate abstinence campaigns in general.

http://thefatoneinthemiddle.typepad.com/the_fat_one_in_the_middle/2009/03/while-abstinence-pledges-lead-to-anal-sex-anal-sex-ironically-prevents-pregnancy.html

]]> By: kerri http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98799 kerri Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:07:49 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98799 especially since she's not an advocate for abstinence, her book is all about sex and how positive it is for her. especially since she’s not an advocate for abstinence, her book is all about sex and how positive it is for her.

]]> By: Sarah http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98543 Sarah Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:23:23 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98543 Those pro abstinence people are stupid. They're p@ssing against the wind. Stop trying to control girl's/women's sexuality. We're not buying into the disgusting double standard anymore. Try to control boy's/men's sexuality for a change. Those pro abstinence people are stupid. They’re p@ssing against the wind. Stop trying to control girl’s/women’s sexuality. We’re not buying into the disgusting double standard anymore. Try to control boy’s/men’s sexuality for a change.

]]> By: ist http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98541 ist Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:18:20 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98541 I wanted to know that too! I wanted to know that too!

]]> By: David http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98501 David Tue, 11 Aug 2009 23:14:41 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98501 Um, right. The correct analogy would be: "We do not prevent car accidents by telling people not to drive. We instead endorse the use of seat belts." In other words, use a condom. Um, right. The correct analogy would be: “We do not prevent car accidents by telling people not to drive. We instead endorse the use of seat belts.”

In other words, use a condom.

]]> By: Anonymous http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98429 Anonymous Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:02:59 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98429 Why is fran drescher included in this when her tile says "cancer schmancer" and is wearing a shirt that denotes she is a survivor of cancer? What does that have to with abstinence? Leave Fran out of this! Why is fran drescher included in this when her tile says “cancer schmancer” and is wearing a shirt that denotes she is a survivor of cancer? What does that have to with abstinence? Leave Fran out of this!

]]> By: deborah ruppert http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98426 deborah ruppert Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:49:59 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98426 Its not HIP not to be SEXY. Nor Hip to wear long sleves and turtle necks. Tank tops bring on Guys who are looking for a hit. Should we look at all aspects of the issue. Its not HIP not to be SEXY. Nor Hip to wear long sleves and turtle necks.
Tank tops bring on Guys who are looking for a hit. Should we look at
all aspects of the issue.

]]> By: Craig http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98414 Craig Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:11:26 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98414 Contra Dmitriy, we _do_ combat auto accidents by not driving. No one can drive without a license that demonstrates basic competence. You can have your license revoked for behaving irresponsibly. We also exclude whole classes of people--most persons under 15 years of age, as well as those with certain disabilities--from driving at all. I'm not sure that's the tack you want to take on reproductive freedom... Contra Dmitriy, we _do_ combat auto accidents by not driving. No one can drive without a license that demonstrates basic competence. You can have your license revoked for behaving irresponsibly. We also exclude whole classes of people–most persons under 15 years of age, as well as those with certain disabilities–from driving at all.

I’m not sure that’s the tack you want to take on reproductive freedom…

]]> By: Links: from work, from friends & random bits « Natalia Antonova http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98393 Links: from work, from friends & random bits « Natalia Antonova Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:00:29 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98393 [...] Mmmm, abstinence. It’s only “sexy” for a girl to be abstinent, of course. [...] [...] Mmmm, abstinence. It’s only “sexy” for a girl to be abstinent, of course. [...]

]]> By: Dawn. http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98343 Dawn. Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:16:28 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98343 Wow. WTF. I can't believe they were this up-front about their hypocrisy. It's usually just a <b>little</b> more subtle. I'm glad the Candies Foundation felt such a urgent need to straight-up tell <b>girls</b>, not boys, that it's okay to still be objectified, as long as you're not one of those <b>dirty girls</b>. And if you're sexy <b>enough</b>, you're worth waiting for. Don't you just *love* a nice tall glass of misogyny in the afternoon? Wow. WTF. I can’t believe they were this up-front about their hypocrisy. It’s usually just a little more subtle. I’m glad the Candies Foundation felt such a urgent need to straight-up tell girls, not boys, that it’s okay to still be objectified, as long as you’re not one of those dirty girls. And if you’re sexy enough, you’re worth waiting for. Don’t you just *love* a nice tall glass of misogyny in the afternoon?

]]> By: blondie http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98341 blondie Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:12:58 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98341 Using sex to sell anti-sex. What a world, what a world. Using sex to sell anti-sex. What a world, what a world.

]]> By: LemonsofSorcery http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98295 LemonsofSorcery Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:54:03 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98295 Exactly! It's like saying "You can objectify me all you want, just don't actually FUCK me!" Damaging either way. Exactly! It’s like saying “You can objectify me all you want, just don’t actually FUCK me!”

Damaging either way.

]]> By: LemonsofSorcery http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98294 LemonsofSorcery Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:49:59 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98294 Rejoice! No man will ever want to have sex with you and you can dedicate your life to being a Good Virgin! Frankly, sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Rejoice! No man will ever want to have sex with you and you can dedicate your life to being a Good Virgin!

Frankly, sexy is in the eye of the beholder.

]]> By: LemonsofSorcery http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98292 LemonsofSorcery Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:47:45 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98292 I refer all of you to Jessica Valenti's excellent book on just this topic, "The Purity Myth." As a liberal feminist, this is the issue that has always resounded most with me--this patriarchal bullshit about making girls "wait" and boys....huh. What should boys do again? Oh, who cares, they have semi-sentient genitalia and you just can't stop them from fucking everything in sight! Except if all the girls are locked in their rooms being virginal...who are the guys having sex with? In all seriousness, do read her book. It's great. I refer all of you to Jessica Valenti’s excellent book on just this topic, “The Purity Myth.” As a liberal feminist, this is the issue that has always resounded most with me–this patriarchal bullshit about making girls “wait” and boys….huh. What should boys do again? Oh, who cares, they have semi-sentient genitalia and you just can’t stop them from fucking everything in sight!

Except if all the girls are locked in their rooms being virginal…who are the guys having sex with?

In all seriousness, do read her book. It’s great.

]]> By: LemonsofSorcery http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98286 LemonsofSorcery Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:34:19 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98286 :D Yes, very true. If anyone should advocate not abstinence but the proper, consistent use of birth control, it's Ms. Palin. She and her boyfriend reportedly used condoms "inconsistently." :D Yes, very true. If anyone should advocate not abstinence but the proper, consistent use of birth control, it’s Ms. Palin. She and her boyfriend reportedly used condoms “inconsistently.”

]]> By: Be “sexy” but not sexual: a case study - The Pursuit of Harpyness http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/08/08/sexing-up-abstinence/comment-page-1/#comment-98273 Be “sexy” but not sexual: a case study - The Pursuit of Harpyness Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:03:00 +0000 http://contexts.org/socimages/?p=11557#comment-98273 [...] from Sociological Images. Bookmark and share this [...] [...] from Sociological Images. Bookmark and share this [...]

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